Are you still going to a T Freewill? I know you've gone to Ts, but I can't remember if you are going to one currently. If you are still struggling this much and are not seeing a T, perhaps it's time to find one who specializes in DID?

DID isn't a death sentence. It's a way we survived some pretty yucko things and because of that, we do survive- and pretty well overall considering. Your T should be able to help you so you can do more than survive a day.

Even without DID, people have speechless terror. It totally sucks for sure, but things can get better. Sometimes you just have to hang on while you're on the ride, but while you're waiting in line for the next one, maybe do more than just stand there waiting. There are opportunities to learn some things that make the ride more tolerable. Practice them while you're waiting in line.

Best of luck to you. I hope you will find a therapist that can help you have better days.