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today was good, though my brain was going faster than my typing earlier at work... my coworker friend mentioned he's noticed this lately with me, after I pointed it out to him ((joking around that I was missing words and for them to all guess)).. he relates..

he's an old time coworker friend .... I acted like a chicken in front of him today ((I got a pass to skip out on executive meeting this week that this friend doesn't... because I explained how it was a waste of my time.. my ex does question how I still have a job).
It's may be due to they need people and I can be a calm debater at times if not an exceptional typed up debater. Though with personal things, I am so chaotic at times... I feel this year I've been worse at work, like I did tell a project executive a few months ago- their "backhanding" ways weren't going to build a good relationship with me. ... oi... I can't believe that was me some Times.

I did drink three beers the night prior but no beer or alcohol tonight... it can start innocent enough with me, but can be habitual easily for me, especially when hangovers are few and far between.. have rules though because I've learned, and never wanted to be like my dad... I have patted myself on the back for sticking with my plan of limited drinking this year around the holidays. Plan to keep that plan too.

I have always wondered if there were other people that when they had drank , if they too didn't get much hang overs.. I dont drink much these days due to i did use to binge drink at times ((and can still be at risk for that )). when I was younger I used to drink with friends, go to sleep for a few hours and be up and ready, while everyone else was still passed out .

Rules set in place for me, that if I brake them I am only hurting myself in the end... a lot of work functions are at bars, and not everyone understands when I mention- I really shouldn't drink.

I seem to do worse with anything when I "ban it" ((like if I say no more meat, I crave it and need it)).. that seems pretty normal for humans though.

Yesterday, I did see the general doc- all blood work aok... outbreak just acne.... just the same spot this whole year.. did get a referral to see a dermatologist .. I am holding off on that till the end of the year. I should focus on finding another T rn.
I wish MIs could be diagnosed with blood or other means that were more than a patient explaining to another human their symptoms.

Maybe I'd get on a true treatment plan rather than doing what I do if so. but idk, have been told I'd still go through the cycling etc with a pdoc medicine plan.. and for me-- that doesn't assist to get me on the boat so to speak.

I am rambling and a bit all over the place today. Apologies if I am hard to follow.

I did cook, omg idk why this last half of the year or more-- just not cooking like unusual do...which is a shame in away.
Was productive.. had fun joking around.
I hope tomorrow I am in a good mood too, a little get together will be going on that I almost always get extremely anxious with every year... last year, oi.. people got upset with me because I joked around that someone paid me to go and I showed up extremely late ((paid me with a soda pop which made me happier ... but I felt worse about my joke going the wrong way)).. but last year I was really down and out, this year I've been all over the place ((like a few years prior))..