I'm new here. Hello everyone!

I'm starting to think I'm never outside of an episode. I'm either manic or depressive. I am not even sure if I know who I really am at this point. I'm actually kind of scared to find out...


Am I a nice person or is it just the manic being... manic? I have no idea. I can't find myself and it's getting worse. No one understands so that makes this a million times worse. I have never been able to hold a job so I own two businesses. I have to stay away from Facebook or I will involve myself in a conversation I shouldn't be apart of. It's hard for me to admit what I do wrong or when I do wrong but I'm going to start. I'm desperate for help (I am against medication). I am trying Rieke in about a week. It's a form of healing done by energy. Seems far fetched but I will try almost anything at this point. Sorry if my spelling is incorrect at anytime. I don't seem to care much anymore. I'm faking being "myself" everyday. That's probably confusing me even more. I'm very irritable and annoyed by everything and everyone in my life. I feel alone and overwhelmed with these crazy emotions. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and some days I wish I would.


I've tried medications and they made me very sick. I couldn't take it. I didn't eat for a week before the doctor changed my meds again. I'm tired of putting chemicals in my body. Why do we have to live this way?