I think I made the mistake a month ago, trying to find a therapist. I looked for months before, online, for Psychologist dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am very obsessed with credentials, education and so forth. so I narrowed it down to 2 in my area. The first one I called wasn't taking new "Medicare patients at this time." She refered me to some one else. I looked this person up online and I didn't say anything about dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. So I tried the second one that the computer had narrowed down for me. She (according to the internet) is the most qualified Psychologist dealing with personality disorders in my area. I went in there and filled out a history survey. They called me back and I ended up seeing an intern, not the one from the internet. I was so angry and felt betrayed. So emailed them and said I felt betrayed and really wanted the most experienced, because I feel like my problems are to intense for an intern. She emmediatly called me back and set up an appointment with her. We talked for about 10 minutes and she asked why did my questionare say I thought I had been misdiagnosed as bipolar? I told her I had done EXTENSIVE research on borderline personality for 4 years now, sometimes putting it out of my mind and sometimes obsessing and knowing for a fact that is what I had. She then told me, with out any of my background, other than if my father is an alcoholic and how many sisters I have, That she does not think I have Bipolar or borderline personality disorder. And there were other things she said that made me so angry,I ended up having a panic attack. I have not gone back after that one session. I am just wondering what did I do wrong, and why do I go between hating her so much and thinking she is the worst doctor, to thinking since the internet said she is the best, liking her and believing her. I am so confused. What should I do differently with the next therapist.
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Trying to find who I am.
"true love is not just gazing in each others eyes... it is gazing out into the world in the same direction."
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