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Same here defective. I'm a terrific actor and yes, I can even get to where I believe my own performance for a time, but I can't sustain it. That cold feeling is always lurking somewhere near my spine.
It is hard and what you're going through is every bit as worthy of help and support as anyone elses problems.
Cyran0
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My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/
Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse.
Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes
"I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac
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