Quote:
Originally Posted by Revu2
When I'm in conversation with just one person I try a good deal of humor, exaggeration, metaphor, self-deprecation, puns, etc. I'm discovering to my full dismay that a majority of the peeps I'm around don't play along.
So I pop out of flowing improv to remind them that in a friendly conversation between buddies nothing I say need to be taken as factual, as literally true, as truth is not my goal, but mutual entertainment.
But with that pop-out I'm deflated. My social energy dials down to their apparent level and I flatten out my affect. Dullsville buddy.
The odd thing, they typically don't seem to mind that I've down shifted. They just go along as themselves, not raising their energy nor loosening their grips on literal truth.
I suspect for these folks that they hold no theory of talk. They have no frame in themselves of what the two of us are engage in and what range of speech and gesture would enhance our mutual time towards the memorable and entertaining. They are checking what I say against standards like "facts" or "truth" or something found in classrooms, courts, or investigative reporting. My statement clearly fails the truth test and they feel compelled to point that out and save me from further fiction and lies.
Funny isn't it that these same people like stand up comics, novels, theater, etc. where the weird stuff happens. I think part of the difference is in those settings they are passive and aren't expected to respond and if they dislike or don't understand something either they are alone or among a crowd of other who will hide their outlier status. But all those performances are doing what I am bringing to them in their living, breathing, interactive experience.
My dilemma to resolve is when I dial down I feel the fun of the conversations dies. When I keep trying, they either fail to respond or keep trying to dial the content back to some idea of factual, literal, or true. This frustrates me, the opposite of fun.
The factual, literal, and true is such a small narrow swatch of existence that I feel alone with my imagination but to really imagine more I enjoy the fun of wordplay, mutual extensions. In the motto of improv performance, "Yes, and."
We become just two people seeming speaking the same language but since our motives and native styles so diverge we should conceded that we're actually not speaking the same language at all.
And that's the truth.
Revu2
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Hiya I'm back. I was physically back last week but my house was full of people. Now I'm back to my solitary anxious self.
I found your statement re when you "dial down" the fun of the conversation dies interesting. It seems to resonate although I'd never try entertaining strangers with tall stories. Friends, yes, the taller the better. But I know my friends well enough to tell when to joke and when they need me to be serious. Strangers who try to entertain usually leave me flat: not many people are acutely observant enough to read the mood, and the personality enough to meet a stranger half way - don't you think? For me establishing a rapport of trust comes before people relax enough to have fun.
Except if it's someone doing a toastmaster speech, where entertainment is welcome to the party. Toastmaster or standup.
The resonance of "dial down" plays out differently for me. I've had feedback from friends lately that when I argue sometimes they feel that I shift into domineering. Even when they know that I'm not like that, they feel an uncomfortable intensity. And I notice that they pull back from the discussion, even though I experienced myself internally as passionate rather than domineering. I'm creative so always waiting for some great input which will change my direction.
If there is something that we put ourselves into passionately, then of course dialling down feels like death - but methinks that is all part of learning the exciting otherness of others. In any given moment people need different interactions, and out there in the big world there is no mood button to communicate our mental states.
You can find places to sparkle like Christmas lights, and other places where being a "we" not an "I" involves letting go of agenda and being more fluid/ flexible???
If I sound like speecifying, it's to distract myself. Came back with a dental problem and learned that I must a week to see a dentist. Not helpful. I also have to tell doc tmrrow that I can't face an operation in January which will leave me housebound: need to get out and socialise and move physically. Health service here is a mind f**, unless you can pay to go private.
Said so!