i remember when my first marriage was falling apart. i had twin 6 month old girls that i had to support, a job making just above min. wage, no savings account, and no self esteem. to this day, i really can't tell you how i found the strength to get out and free myself from my own lack of self esteem. i wish i could tell you how i did it.

but like you, once i got out, i began to cling to any man that would give me attention. i would get thoughts of what it would be like to live with them, be with them, how they would treat my kids, etc. it wasn't long before i did indeed find someone to live with but realized after a few months that i made a mistake and was back to square one. i was fortunate enough to not marry him, but the financial dependency made it almost impossible to leave. but once again, i found a way out. only this time, i didn't have a choice because the relationship became physically abusive.

the biggest thing i have had to fight myself with is keeping in mind that i do not need a man in my life. i can be alone and be happy. i am learning to deal with my feelings of loneliness and have learned that i can curb these feelings easier than the feelings i had when i felt ignored, alone, used and unimportant when i was in a relationship.

it is not easy for me. and unlike you, even at the age of 33, my hormones are worse now than they ever were. sometimes i feel as though there is something very wrong with me. i believe this has caused me to rush into things i shouldn't. i am not the average woman, who could take it or leave it. i feel more like that guy who is always thinking with the head down below instead of the one above.

i am sorry i can't tell you exactly how i have done it, but i can tell you it can be done. it isnt impossible, it may seem like it, but it isn't. have fate that one day, you will find the strength, the will, to walk away. for me, it just happened, i don't know how, but it was like i woke up one day, and it was there, the strength, the will, to walk away

i wish you all the best, and keep your head up, it will happen, you will find the strength and the will. we are all here for you. take care
gracetoo71