Not all medications result in weight gain. Welbutrin is one that is known not to cause weight gain as a general rule.

As far as have some thought/desires towards not being alive; yes, most my life has been like this or feeling like I'm just going through the motions with the question of why can't I just die; there's lots of other people that want to live, can't I take their place. I also used to have vivid images of ways I could die.

Sometime over this last year, that has changed. I'm not happy to be alive, I don't seem to be thinking of death as much or the same. I rarely have the vivid passive death wish images. At times I do miss them, other times I don't. It's been strange to realize that I don't remember the last time I had one or when I have the though it is more a thought and not filled with the graphical images I used to have.

What has been great about it? I'm not sure. What holds promise that I might find something good about it is that things are changing for me. I think I'd settle with something that is good, not sure I need something great.