Hugs and good thoughts.

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I don't want to be a guineapig or lab rat ..

And present shopping, ugh and yay! But not so much, I just don't care these days ..
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I am doing ok now.. my cat and I are relaxing to meditation music but I dont want to go to bed...

been a very bouncy day with higher highs and lower lows it seemed like to me.

tried best to get self care in, actually brushed my teeth too.... but , idk if that actually did any good-- the first half of work I was very upset.

I was already upset with the situation, but i was sure to use a sit down of wise mind practices before writing my first email. I even wrote In the email both sides of the problem and asked "how can we assist to fix the issue? "

I got very upset - like almost trigger like upset-- and perhaps it was-- that people got topics mixed up in the threads, and basically merged the issues together. This is very upsetting..
I was just very upset, agitated and angry. Actually was to the point of "I am so tired and done with people "...

My one coworker friend let me vent a bit.. I was going 100mph trying to explain, he agreed with me of not going down to try to talk about the situation.. because he could tell I wasn't 100% the me he knew usually.

I honestly felt like I would had started screaming at the others... I left work again today .. but did go back.

after a few hours my friend made a joke asking "where did (me) go, and what have "you" done with her?! Bring (me) back "...
He also mentioned, I was so happy yesterday and today was so angy... what can I say?
I did laugh at what he said though, my ex for years now has mentioned " 'Bob' me is driving today " or " 'Bob' me is talking ".. [*]Again, I just am unsure what "box" this is in. I am not sure if this is dissociative because I am me I these moments... just a different me.

Between what I refer to as my "OCD moments" lightly, with the threads of emails ((because that really upset me, that things couldnt be in order or in proper places-- not 100% ocd)) and finding another two cards that were really not aligned.. and just feeling no control, I did cry in my office... I had thoughts and even plans, but those have passed right now.

With the cards, one of my older coworker and closer ones, he helped me out with making it pretty again. This man is in his late 70s, and I just dont every really feel like I am talking to an older person unless he mentions something that I have no clue or only heard of. He has a daughter with struggles, he is very nice to have met.

I did go back into hyperdrive before leaving, I am really trying to wrap up what I can and provide as much info as I can while I check out.

Actually get vacation, this is very foreign to me. And ... I haven't planned it well.

Ive been so wrapped up with a lot, I didn't plan anything.. which has touched a button but I am trying to remind myself-- I get to sleep in or not for a few days. I hope I find something to do though.

I know, I am a workaholic- I am not taking a full week off due to on Thursday on have meetings on my calendar and I dont want to //cant really just hand this mess to someone else to talk about.
I'll be on call the following week, so that's why I am not takin time off.
[*]I did try to ship the box, but the machine at USPS post office started the service to do box labels was having technical difficulties
No wonder postal things happen there
I'll try to get it tomorrow.

I did drop off the card though, I do hope "forever stamps" are forever.. haven't bought stamps in a few years and found these in a drawer.

I did want to drink when I got home but didn't...
I will work one hour tomorrow to finish up my week, .... I will probably fail with working just one hour, but who knows...