I found the replies to my prior message so helpful that I hope it's okay to elaborate...

My father had a terrible temper. When he lost his temper in our home, it felt as though the earth was going to split in two. I always felt a strong desire to run away and hide but there was nowhere to go. Years later I learned that my father actually punched my brother in the face. My brother was a young adolescent at the time. To this day, my brother describes our father as a saint.

My mother did nothing when our father behaved this way. All those years of screaming and threatening and shaming. She would remain silent or simply try to placate him. She never once said "Stop terrorizing our children." Not once.

Later, as I got older, I would get in between the two of them when she was the target of his rage. Then not only was he furious with me, but my mother got angry with me too. I did not understand her resentment until years later when I researched spousal abuse. I believe that my mother knew she would never leave him. And she knew that her children would leave her home one by one as they got older. So, her solution was to perpetually walk on eggshells and enable his abuse. And she insisted that her children did the same.

It is one of the most bizarre and poignant realities of my childhood. My father is dead now but I am still in this weird space (emotionally) with my mother. She married and pro-created with an abuser. She allowed him to abuse her children all their lives. She never apologized. And even blamed me, as an adolescent, when I tried to intervene either for myself, or my siblings, or her.

When I was 15, I was watching TV with my father one day. Out of nowhere, he turned to me and said: "You know I just realized that my life would have been infinitely better if I'd never had children."

About five years after that, my mother told me: "You are one of the greatest disappointments of my life."

I do not want to upset anyone here. I cannot discuss any of this with people in my life; including my family. I suppose I needed to share those things. My last therapist was not helpful with regard to family issues but I am now looking for a new one.

If anyone has had similar interactions with parents, feel free to share...in particular if you have learned positive coping strategies.

Peace to all