I sympathize. My grief became pure rage for a long time. As I understand it now, that is a reaction to intense pain.

My family also likes to pretend he was the greatest guy. It's like we are talking about 2 different people. I've gone so far as to cut several members of my family out of my life because I simply can't take it. I am told I need to speak positively of the dead. I can't. He was not a good person to me, in my life and I believe I am entitled to my feelings.

I've dealt with this for a long time and I have learned to let my feelings ebb and flow. I mourn the person I wish he was. I despise the person that he was. My life is better because he is dead. Yes I said that, no apologizes.

I guess my point is that no one gets to tell you how to grieve or process or feel. Overall I have made my peace through acceptance. He was who he was, he is gone, I can't change those things, etc.