Well, I felt I just had to reply to you post, I so relate to the feelings and experience, also, I'm interested in how you've got on with your researching.
I sort of did the same with my pd, .... did you read any Masterson in your searching? What have you read?
I had the same exprerience with profs, they think they know more about me than I do about myself, and thats after a few sentences, then that in itself triggers my disorder, and its so f..... ing crazy-making!
Did you notice that in your post you jumped to assuming that it was you who did something wrong? I have been doing that all the time, with my mouth, and my pen, I protest, but inside, my own reality is shaken and I get hooked in. If you have read, and you identify with borderline, then, you know what is true for you, and good for your for taking responsiblity for your own mental health!

Theres so much that you said....... </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
am just wondering what did I do wrong, and why do I go between hating her so much and thinking she is the worst doctor, to thinking since the internet said she is the best, liking her and believing her. I am so confused

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that has happeene to me...... like, I can see my T. was wrong in how she behaved towards me, but yet deep down, I have made her my frame of reference, and sort of she moved into my psyche! This, as i understand it, is the 'split'. When one part of reality wont talk to the other one, so these 2 realities cant have influence on eachother, so we cant get the whole picture.

I'd say, trust you experience, ...... and with your knowledge of yourself now, and your research, I'd say, you are well able to judge a T. from the attitude they take to you, and I think this is more to do with if they are a good T. than their paper and academic credentials, or even expereince. Its to do with thier ability to respond to you and if they have integrity as well as understanding. I'd be very interested to know more of you, and also how you get on.
Hope this is at all helpful.
stay on the firing line for what you want and need:

the books i found most helpful for understanding the disorders are Manfield: 'Split Self Split Object', and Masterson and Klein, books, all are about the disorders.

riverx