Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty
Hi all. So on Monday, a friend and I were going out of town. I had previously asked that friend if we could stop on the way home because an acquaintance had passed away and I needed to make an appearance at the viewing, but that it wouldn't take me long as I didn't know the person well--more just wanted to be supportive of the family. My friend said that was fine.
We went out of town and then on the way home it looked like we were going to get to the viewing early. My friend told me she did not want to wait for me to stop in at the viewing. So I called my Dad first who wasn't able to pick me up from the viewing. Then I called another friend. She wasn't driving herself, so I had to ask her if I could get a ride home with her ride. Her ride said that was fine.
We ended up getting to the viewing about 15 minutes before it started. My friend left me at the funeral home. I was upset that she wasn't willing to wait because I had asked her in advance if she would wait for me, but I was glad that I was going to have a ride from some other friends. It took the other friends a while to get to the viewing so I just waited and did a lot of standing around. But eventually I was able to get a ride back to my city with that group of friends, but only to my Church. Then from my Church I was able to get a ride to my car which was parked at the friend's house whom I had gone out of town with that day. The whole thing was frustrating because I inconvenienced a lot of people that day.
I can usually let stuff go, but I was pretty miffed that the first friend was no longer willing to wait for me when I had asked in advance if she would. After a couple of days, I emailed her and said I had a nice time going out of town etc. However, I would have appreciated knowing in advance that she wasn't willing to wait for me because I could have made other arrangements to begin with. Friend replied with, "yeah we really should have talked about that." Not sure what that means. I don't get a lot of social situations to begin with.
I feel like I give more in this relationship. I spend hours with her helping her prepare meals. I helped her put up her Christmas tree. I felt like her not being willing to wait a few minutes for me showed how little she respects me or cares about me. I'm having a hard time getting over this. I'm not sure if I am in the wrong. I know feelings are feelings. I will have a break from this friendship as we are not planning to get together until after Christmas. I did send another email with a nice quote just as a check in on Thursday, so it's not like I didn't have no other contact. I think I want to remain friends with this person, I just want the care to go both ways. By the way, she drove on Monday but I paid for parking and had offered to drive.
Am I reacting wrongly?
Kit.
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NO one can or should say whether your reaction is wrong but that it is what it is. I will offer a few thigns about the situation
I can say that it seems to me that the interpretation of things could be off here and a lack of communication between the two of you. first thing I noticed was that your friend added "yeah we should have talked more about this" I wonder about what? Is there something left out here that is not being said, was there more to the story related to the idea that she seemed willing to wait at first? did she actually say that or did you assume that her stopping there for you implied she would wait? I know that it may seem rather simple to answer but I think it's a critical question to ask yourself.
Another observation is that you stated that you had arrived earlier than expected and I'm wondering if that may be a factor as to part of why should wouldn't wait even if she may have before. waiting around for you to even be able to go to the viewing and then wait for you til you were done, perhaps it was the idea that it ws going to take longer than originally planned in her mind? Did assuming she would wait indefinitely for you no matter the amount of time end up being something that you haven't considered? I mean assuming she would wait for you even though you were early is kind of presumptuous too.
Again I dont' know all the other details of your relationship with this person so I don't know what may be playing into your interpretation of things but based solely on what you've said here, I think there are a few things to consider.