Yes, I agree entirely. If a therapist never lets me know that I hurt her feelings, I won’t learn as well how my actions can affect other people. Though, I must say, there is a good way and a bad way to do that. My current T yesterday told me that in a gentle way and told me I didn’t owe her an apology (even though I have one numerous times), she just wanted to let me know that she is human and help me check myself and my words, and see another perspective (hers). A previous T, who was just not cut out to work with clients like me, actually cried when I told her I didn’t feel like our therapy was helping me. I understand why she was upset, but in that moment with those actions, she made it about her, rather than about me. And that’s where she was mistaken.

Also, while I have done this several times, and I’m not proud of it, I don’t think abusive language ever belongs in therapy. I’ve learned that you can express yourself and what you’re feeling without being abusive. Even the “toughest” T isn’t going to put up with that behavior time and time again, it will eventually wear them down. I do believe it’s possible (and this is usually the case for me) to be petulant and bratty without being abusive. Usually it’s just more of me being pouty and acting like a child. Or sometimes, rather, like a rebellious teenager. I think this time around, I wasn’t abusive to T, but my words were still hurtful. I think that can happen in therapy, and that’s different than being abusive. But we also worked through it and through my immature behavior...T enacted (rather effective) consequences for me, without it being truly punitive, but at the same time discouraging the behavior (she didn’t give me what I wanted, a phone call from her, because of the way I went about asking for it/my actions preceding and following my request), and that worked well. Let me tell you, I learned an important lesson and her technique was super effective...