Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux
One of the reasons for the two years is that transference feelings are likely to shift in two years. When my first therapist contacted me and invited friendship after 20 months, my feelings towards him had changed and I was angry with him for contacting me out of the blue to meet his own needs. If he had done that straight away I guarantee I would have gone to the end of the earth to have a friendship and that would have ended very badly because my longing for him was transference based in infant feelings (although I didn't know it) and and adult friendship would ultimately have felt like betrayal. There's no way he could have been the same person in a friendship as he was in that 1 hour per week.
I spent the two years, initially protecting and loving him, then eventually coming to realise how I was betrayed by his loose boundaries, how I was paying him for nothing all that time. Love turned to anger, turned to hurt and then began to fade. I suspect you will feel differently after two years. I really hope you do. I have a horrible feeling if you count the days for the next two years you might be confronted with radio silence at the end of it. And that would be an intolerable further betrayal to you, no doubt.
The whole situation is horrible (and he could have avoided it by behaving ethically) and I'm afraid there can be no fairy tale ending. Him leaving you holding on to hope like this, I feel is one final disservice to you.
Wishing you healing.
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Maybe I will, maybe I wont. I am a very loyal person and I already KNOW he is flawed, he's been very angry and pissy with me many times, he has talked about his own flaws as a husband and friend etc, so I never saw him as "perfect" and maybe we would never be friends but I'd like to be able to catch up and see how he is doing. When he has been so open about his life to me every week for the past 20 months, I really cared about him and the things he was talking about.
I hope he isn't gonna do that radio silence, he promised he wouldn't and I know that he has had many people from his past contact him after years and years of no talking and he has meet up with them or called them back etc. Sure there is a chance none of us will care in 2 years but there's also a chance, that this was actually REAL and we both, at the very least, might wanna catch up.
The thing is, he would never contact me first. He has rules about that. So this is all on me in 2 years, if I want to. Feelings can change over time about anyone though, even if you are on contact with them still.