Junk

I could see how that COULD be the issue, except that I'm literally that way with everyone in my life. It's due to my bad self worth and anxiety. I even tell my best friend, whom I've known for 6 years, on a regular basis that she wont stick around and she will get sick of me. If she goes on a trip, even for a weekend, I tell her "Have fun but I am sure you will forget me" I think it's always been my way to protect myself, to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

The sad thing is, my mom made me this way, even now, on a near daily basis, she tells me how worthless I am. The other weird part is, I know I'm a good person with good qualities, I know I am funny and kind and all that but I have a really hard time believing anyone else thinks I'm worth it.

This is not a power imbalance thing in this case, unless every person in my life has that with me. I keep people distant to avoid hurt and this is part of how I do that.

Do I think I mean as much to him as he does to me? No, I'm not an idiot. It doesn't however mean, that I can't try to prepare myself that he will forget me or anything. Again, no one knows what tomorrow brings, let alone two years, I get that. We both might be up for it, we both might not and if only one of us is, then I think by then it wont be that big of a deal.

For me as well, I'm used to routine. I get very frazzled and anxious with big change... so now all this regular stuff I had with him is gone.

My logical side KNOWS he wont forget me, I mean, I was his final client ever. I gave him so many things that he said he was gonna keep, we had so many inside jokes that things in every day life would prompt him to think of me. How can you forget someone you shared thousands of texts with? I know he wont.... even though he wont think of me often or it wont be life or death for him.... It's not like a few years from now he will be stumped. he literally told me a few weeks ago, some woman from elementary school contacted him, they had not talked in all that time but he instantly knew who she was. However the anxiety part of my mind, which often "wins", tells me, he is no different than others in my life, how could he like me for real? How could he really care? How can he want to remember me? Things like that.
As I said, I am still trying to ACCEPT that my Best friend likes and cares about me. It's a hard struggle but in time I'll get there. His goodbye letter was very reflecting of this very issue. Trying to remind me of all the GOOD about me....

I still need to work on my self worth and anxiety no doubt.... but this isn't a T thing, it's a me and other people thing...

* and the uncomfortable thing was a misunderstanding, we talked it out and he made a lot of sense to me after that. Who wouldn't be upset by that though? Even a co worker say that to me, I'd feel hurt. I don't like the idea of making anyone uncomfortable*