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SalingerEsme · Dec 15, 2018, 02:08 PM

I can relate to this bc I was a teacher in a boarding school in which we had our advisees for years, coached ,taught, lived, played, and worked together as a community. Some kids we truly loved, but at the same time after graduation there was a natural letting go, a bittersweet sense that it was time for them to fly, and we had work to do in the present, with the next generation. I comfort myself with that as far as my T goes, bc like you, I seem to love him. I know though that he is in a caretaker role to me, a helping profession role, and he isn't going to bond to me in that way. I do believe he cares about me here and now, while we are doing work, but if I left he would continue doing this work, his work with others and let me go. I do believe your T bonded with you and connected with you when you were there together working with one another and communicating privately. It is just that in these unequal relationships, it would be hard to change the dynamic and become regular friends. He might have a sinking feeling about how he performed in this job, or some difficult discovery process into himself or anything like that that might make him want to move on from this time. That wouldn't reflect on you, or his caring for you. Like the never-ending story , that time can't be taken away, even though it is unlikely to go on again in two years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I have 2 parts to this post.

1-- Can anyone (KINDLY) explain the point of two years of no contact? Especially since, at least in my area, it is not against the law and there is no rules on it specifically, even my T acknowledged it. He says it is "best practice" though so he does it. Also, in my case, he is no longer doing therapy, so it really seems odd.

I'm struggling to see the point of this, therapy is supposed to be about helping people but stuff like this is really hurtful. Knowing he is out there, and his former co workers (if they want) or basically anyone else can talk to him, but me and a few other clients, makes me feel like something is wrong with me, like I'm not good enough, worthless etc. None of this is helpful for someone who already feels low about themselves. It's making me question everything and wish I never trusted him, reminding me to never trust anyone else. Things like that. I tried talk to him about this in the last few sessions but he was either defensive about it or just talked in circles (things like, those are your feelings, you are allowed to have them)

I can't help but think, two years is a long time and we will probably be distant memories to each other. I know for me, I wont forget him, he was hugely impactful in my life and I truly do love him, but to him, I was apparently "just a client" --even though I was his final client ever, I still can't convince myself he wont forget me. Heck, in a few months, he probably will already. I can't understand how our relationship seemingly meant nothing to him, when it was obvious he had feelings for me. Other people saw that too. THOUSANDS of texts exchanged between us and when I called him out on that in the sense of "this isn't something you do with everyone, there had to be feelings there" he got defensive and said he didn't deny it. He couldn't say anything because I would assume then, that it has to continue on... well, yes, typically when two humans connect and have something great, they do continue on...... and then he also used the excuse of "you asked for all that stuff, so I did it" --even though MANY of the times, he initiated. There is many many things that made me KNOW he felt something. I'm terrible at reading people but that was obvious to me but now it feels like, everything was a lie, and I am meaningless to him. Will he even care about me in a week? Let alone, 2 long years?

Two years seems so ridiculous, why not one? What is the actual point if there is no law or rule? I'm so confused. Contact is not the worst thing on earth, it doesn't mean you have to be besties. While he seemed VERY open to and ok with me contacting him and even promised at the very least he will reply out of courtesy, I can't help but think, in 2 years, he wont know who I am even, so why would he bother?

2-- For those of you who have gone through this mess....
How hard was it getting through the two years? Did it go fast or seem like eternity? Did you end up reaching out? Did they reply? Did you ever meet up? How are things with you know?

Again, I am not wanting judgemental or rude replies, just kind or helpful. I really need to try and make sense of this because I'm feeling so low and SO regretful, of things I didn't say or ask and now I can't.... because of who I am.