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Originally Posted by SorryOozit
One of the real sadnesses here is that he robbed you of the opportunity to work on your self-development and that these insecurities and personal pains were left ignored in preference for "fun" in sessions. I think one of the reasons you are in so much pain now is that he didn't prepare you for the ending. More than not giving you enough notice and not handling the ending with kindness, he never worked with you on helping you develop the skills and inner resources to cope with endings, abandonment, grief, etc.
I suspect he simply doesn't know how to deal with endings. I think he is using the two year rule as a way to brush your pain under the carpet and postpone the uncomfortable prospect of dealing with your sadnesses and needs associated with the relationship. Basically, he is way out of his depth and as a result you are left hurting and hoping for answers, resolution, contact.
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He completely admitted all that. He told me he had no idea how to help me and he didn't know what he was doing. He told me that we "didn't spend enough time on the self worth or relationships" He is aware of that... I am also ok with it because at the same time, with my avoidant nature, I didn't WANT to work on that stuff. I know he didn't help me much at all in a therapy sense, he's a terrible therapist, I have often said that, but he's a fantastic person and we clicked... that is what kept me coming back. I didn't see him as "Just a T" so it was easy for me to keep this thing going and he no doubt had feelings as even up to the end, he was doing things with me that he probably shouldn't. I called him out on all that too, saying he, did a lot of things with me he should not have and he quickly seemed scared and said "I never crossed boundaries, only pushed them, I did those things because you asked me to"
I just like the man I got to know all those months, the man I clicked with. I didn't NEED therapy in that sense, just having that relationship, was everything in getting me through my dog's death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
Any success stories anyone wants to share? Some success stories people have mentioned here were really good because it makes it seem less magical and more real life and frankly less exciting than we think it will be.
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Yes, please. Anyone? It can't ALL be bad....