Actually "friends" do some things worse than acquaintances. Friendship can lead to explosions of need and rejection. Friends make demands, give too much, pull me away from my own true path and then I lash out or hide in my cave. Friends challenge each other's boundaries.

Ideally we would all only befriend people who are more mature than us and/ or when we are already mature ourselves. Actually lots of us are still making mistakes and learning from them.

Right now I'm starting to talk to myself more about the ebbs and flows of friendship. I notice that people who had good childhoods build circles of friends that support each other through the distortions and ups and downs of it all. I notice that friendship is fun - but having people in my life means balancing my own challenges with their distractions and demands. Sometimes I have to be alone to force myself take the next onward step.

I start to notice, especially at Xmas, that we have all sorts of schemas in the mind about aloneness and friendship that correspond more to the idealised world of therapy than to reality. Until I grow into a stronger person, reality will go on being imperfect, but layer by layer I gather some skills.

If a friend angers me and we can't spontaneously talk about that, then I would consider it to be a sign that the friendship is waning for the time being. Especially if that put me in a bad situation with other people. But in a supportive group I would think about how I am learning about myself and other people: the learning stays inside me?

It's the scared, hurt, confused child in me that thinks that I'm dependent on the good graces of other people. The adult observes: "ack, other people are hard work perhaps for a while I need time out". Lol, lol, lol.

I am learning about my self, how much work it is to share myself responsibly with others - and sometimes how nice it is to be lazy.

Gosh, I'm Gabby this evening. perhaps time to risk starting my own, first thread!!!