.....but I don't know what. Either a massive hug or a kick up the arse, not sure which.

I was at a very low point when met T1 in 2012, I saw her for 17 months. Therapy was abruptly cut short because my work contract came to an end, it would have been a 3 hour round trip (not including therapy time) to see her, it just wasn't doable.

I tried to cope alone for nearly 2 years, I couldn't face therapy with anyone else; but circumstances brought me to a point where I tried to end my life. It was then I met T2 in 2014 through a charity, but counselling time was limited. After a year I was told therapy had to terminate, even though I was still in a bad place and needed support.
In 2015 I started seeing T3, about 6 months after the distressing termination with T2, I was missing T2 badly and needed to talk to someone. I've been seeing T3 on and off since, sometimes regularly, sometimes on an adhoc basis.
I'm now about to lose my job 1week before Christmas and circumstances mean it will be difficult, if not impossible, to continue seeing T3.
I've had a very rocky on-off relationship with the NHS CMHT since 2014, am currently in EMDR therapy with Psychologist, but that too is due to end in the New Year.
I've been working full time, caring for 2 other people with health problems and now have additional health problems myself. I feel like my world is crashing down around my ears and I will be left totally alone to deal with it. I keep telling myself that I should be able to deal with stuff on my own.
After nearly 6 years of on-off therapy I shouldn't need to rely on these sessions to get me through from one week to the next. Yet that's exactly how I feel. I believe it's the main thing that has kept me alive until now. But is it now time to admit defeat, that there is nothing anyone else can do to help me?

If I want to be saved, I have to save myself. But I don't know if I want to anymore...