Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I have never engaged in friendship or romance with ex-Ts but did quite a few times with people I first met in a professional context, e.g. as teacher and other mentors (that scenario also has clear roles and power differential). They all ended up really interesting, mostly positive, mutually respectful and constructive relationships; they did not last forever but I was never one expecting relationships to last forever and I tend to move on myself. The one I really regret was when I engaged in a complex personal relationship with a student as a mentor originally - that was during a time I was very messed up myself and it's also a scenario that does not tend to be appealing to me normally beyond transient fantasies that are mostly pleasant. It did not lead to any disaster or serious hurt but was very uncomfortable for a while after everything ended in a series of ugly conflicts coming from both of us' issues. There is no way on Earth I would ever do it again with a trainee. So, again, I think the outcomes is determined by a combination of people involved and the larger context. I would not dare to predict such outcomes to anyone other than myself.
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I have not had a relationship with a former T and don't expect to have one with my current T. I have continued a relationship with my Ph.D. advisor since I graduated 25 years ago, and his wife, so maybe it has lasted "forever." We now live in the same community and I see them frequently, sometimes on purpose. I love them very much as people and the power dynamic has long since disappeared. I share the same kind of mistake with a former mentee early in my career and have not made that mistake again, although I do have friendly relationships with many and do the best I can to help them in their careers.
The idea that my T holds some authority over me now even when I am a client is laughable to me. I am not saying I am immune to exploitation by people or possibly even him, but just that it's not the kind of relationship I have with him. I could see having a post therapy relationship with him depending on the circumstances and I very much agree with you that it's possible for a relationship with a former T to work out just fine. The fact that others have been exploited by current or former therapists is a cautionary tale for all of us, but not a reason to avoid a relationship if you think it will work for you.