Had a low day today. I don’t feel low but I acted low. I slept until nine, got up for an hour, then went back to sleep until 12. I did take a shower. I took my son out to lunch with the intention of going grocery shopping afterward but it’s miserable out; cold and rainy. I hate unloading groceries in the rain so I said **** it I’ll go tomorrow after work. Then I can home and laid in bed waiting for my phone to charge. I did wash the dishes with the intention of making cookies but it turns out I don’t have any ginger. I must have used it up last year making gingerbread cookies. So that was a fail.

I still have so much baking and candy making to do. I want to give RS a tin of cookies and candy for Christmas. I also got him a pair of buffalo bills slippers and I’m going to get him a black hoodie for work which he asked for. I asked him for a scarf and gloves. That way it’s not too expensive. He already got me those beautiful flowers a week ago I don’t really need anything else from him. But he said he wanted to get me a gift so there you go. He got my son a gift as well which I’m touched by because he really didn’t need to do that. He’s so sweet.

Ugh I just feel blah. I’m starting to panic about quitting nicotine. I want to try but I’m so scared I’ll get depressed. Depression goes from 0-60 for me in a matter of days. On day one I’m a little down and by day 5 I’m actively suicidal. If that happens I will buy a different vape and just try again at another time. I don’t see my pdoc again until feb 19 so I won’t be able to get a med change to counteract the nicotine withdrawal.

I hope the rain stops tomorrow. That will lift my mood some.