I was doing really well Thursday but then I spent a couple days helping my ex Xmas shop and now all I want to do is die. The greed, the excess, and the desire are sickening. I'm over everything by doing this. I bought kava and took it a few times to help and will keep it with me over the rest of the season because my pdoc won't give me anything prn for anxiety attacks. I spent almost the whole time in anxiety max but I think I hid it ok. I feel like I'm completely trapped and like I'm probably dangerous to myself but I'm also really fighting it all. Thank you for letting me vent. I'd appreciate any advice.