There is no "supposed to." All of your feelings are entirely valid - feel them all. Heck, I cried non-stop for endless months - of COURSE this is s****y for you! That's the point of my anger at your T. If it wasn't so f-ing awful for you, there'd be no reason for me to be angry at him.

And, I am angry at him. For crossing so many boundaries, for leading you into believing he was going to be a friend, for f-ing with your brain, for leaving with little notice and doing an awful job at getting you through it.

I'm not judging you; I judge him, and I hurt for you, and you are taking it on as judgement of you. Which I also understand. Which just doubles up my anger.