I wish you well leomama, as you move forward with this it's important to keep in mind that he will be at a loss at times and is not going to respond in a way you want and it sounds to me like when that happens he just stops interacting. Given that you struggle emotionally accepting and can get triggered you will have to work harder on managing your own reactions instead of getting overwhelmed and confused.

I would have to say my entire life has been dealing with someone very close to me that had challenges and the individual was wired differently so everything about this person was different from me and different than what is considered the norm. I have had to learn a great deal about dyslexia and ADHD for example and I had to understand how they learn differently and they have different ways of seeing things than I do. I had to see these individuals picked on when they struggled to read or made what seemed like simple spelling errors or did not empathize the way people expect too or express sensitivities that many consider weaknesses.

We are really just beginning to understand how people are different and develop ways of compensating that can prove to be a challenge, not just for others but themselves. Some day we will be able to better understand instead of reacting to these individuals in ways that only make a challenge even worse because they are expected to interact in ways they are simply not wired for. A person can be very gifted at some things, yet genuinely lack in other ways. Because the person seems smart and has compensated, often when they fail to do what many expect they are often considered some kind of terrible human being. Oh, look, everyone else was reading and saying all the words except him, he doesn't care and is a bad person. Instead of recognizing that reading and following along is actually hard for him to do. Some that struggle that way tend to be more visual learners and pick up their knowledge in a more visual way and compensate, often instead of reading the individual does better by watching others talk about a topic. Sometimes like with dylexia and ADHD, the individual may seem like they don't want to listen and are distracted, yet often that's how that person is wired and they might even need to have several things to think about before deciding which path to follow. Some individuals not only have ADHD but also have some autistic characteristics as well. We are only JUST beginning to understand these different challenges.