This piece of it seems like a relationship problem between you and the youngers. You've tried talking, but have you tried listening? Tell me more about why you think I can't take care of myself-- yet here I am with a roof over our heads and food in the fridge and I manage to get to therapy every week, etc. Tell me more about what you would need to feel safe besides T, as she is only around 3 hours/week or whatever as it is right now. Tell me more about what I can do to help take care of you.

I was astounded at my younger self when I offered the opportunity to listen to what she had to say. And I tried to relate to her in other ways, offering to play together, read together, do puzzles etc together. I think if you build a stronger relationship or change the nature of the relationship between you all, it definitely helps.

I don't think I understand what you mean by they "have a point." Little ones are most definitely capable of understanding that you can't always have what you want, especially if it involves another person.