Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
This piece of it seems like a relationship problem between you and the youngers. You've tried talking, but have you tried listening? Tell me more about why you think I can't take care of myself-- yet here I am with a roof over our heads and food in the fridge and I manage to get to therapy every week, etc. Tell me more about what you would need to feel safe besides T, as she is only around 3 hours/week or whatever as it is right now. Tell me more about what I can do to help take care of you.
I was astounded at my younger self when I offered the opportunity to listen to what she had to say. And I tried to relate to her in other ways, offering to play together, read together, do puzzles etc together. I think if you build a stronger relationship or change the nature of the relationship between you all, it definitely helps.
I don't think I understand what you mean by they "have a point." Little ones are most definitely capable of understanding that you can't always have what you want, especially if it involves another person.
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Thanks for this. You may be right. There seem to be so many issues to deal with that I've not really engaged with them fully of late or maybe at all on the listening front. I think we came to a functional agreement, almost a holding pattern and then I parked them. And now expect everything to be fine.
Even using that language, which is what came into my head, shows me that there is a dysfunctional relationship.
I used to do really useful active meditation or getting to know the littles but this was outside in a garden in the summer and I've not really found a new place to do it now it's cold, dark, wet.
I need to come back and transcribe all the points from this thread - put them in a list I can go reflect on.
On the 'they have a point' thing I was referring to my belief that I can't take care of myself. But as you point out, I am increasingly working, I remained solvent on my savings, I continued to volunteer, Im working hatd to get better, through there are many areas of improvement but that is my perfectionist, protector part talking. He can be so subtle sometimes!
Thanks
