all, been reading and many hugs and good thoughts.

(((Everyone)))
_________

I have been in a decent mood, a good mood,.. a mood that forgets boundaries I gues..Boundaries that I made... I am a contradiction...

Sunday was nice, I may have enjoyed myself a bit too much with my ex.. i don't feel bad about what we did, ((and want a repeat)) .. but " I know, I know.. I know"...

I'm just perplexed in a way. ... I deleted what I wrote... just the ending thought of
Wtf is wrong with me?
Stays.

Right now- I found this funny
I actually told my ex "happy holidays!"
(( It's one of these years .. but who knows)).

And a part of me says to live in the moment - this is life- and another says prepare for January!! I will try to balance both.

Looking at tablets and other things, ... my friend that I mentioned ((outside of work)) .. she may go with me to a mall tomorrow-- it's been a "minute" since I've been to a mall. I never was a mall person but I have always liked to.go to the mall one time when I haven't been for years...

Idk why I am happy this year.. 2018 was not the greatest...and perhaps that.plays into this.. strangely in july I was down and out...

ya know, i.dont understand my cycles.. some years I am like this, other years no- opposite... if indeed 3 pdocs are correct, and I cycle .. but I have these rapid changes... but idk.. I just don't right now.

An odd thing today
I had a neighbor come up to.me today out of the blue, telling me about how he is bipolar and that's why he and the evicted neighbor girl got along,... he was trying to explain his bipolar to me and I was listening, also encouraged him with learning more ((he said he was learning more and I was like - right on man))....
This neighbor, I've chatted with a few times, even made a funny one night when he was drunk and had his key in the door and I was going to help him out... but he -- has hit things, which scares me-- my PTSD goes up... and I can freeze or fight depending... I want to be a friend but must stay safe.