I don't think it is an absolute, but I do think it is proportional. Here's what I mean: I've had a long marriage. I have three great sons. I have always loved them and been a good spouse and mother. However, I spent most of my life dealing with low self-concept and severe depression that left me suicidal and very closed off emotionally. In the last 5 years, my mental health has greatly improved. I'm stable and more content. Depression is gone. Confidence and self-respect are pretty solid now. I KNOW I am a better spouse and mother and friend now than I was previously simply because I am more emotionally available to give more positive support and am more out of my own head and more open to others than I was previously.

So, it wasn't that I was completely unable to love and support others previously, but I do think I was not at my full potential and fell very short in many ways by comparison to where I am now. I wish things had been different for me sooner; I think many years were lost due to those issues that limited my ability to be open and content and truly all in for the loved ones in my life. But it is what it is. I can't change the past and I don't engage in guilt trips or self-flagellation over the past. I wasn't well and I had a great deal to learn about myself and living back then.