That sounds horrible, and yes I've experienced a couple severe psychosis/mania. I don't remember most of them and try not to think of it.

I don't know, its like I can't have energy or I'm seen as manic. My mother would rather me be depressed and tired then manic which is understandable.

As for hygiene and eating I'm pretty disciplined with all that. Brush teeth twice a day, shower, don't eat junk, and try exercise.

I'm open to try new things. But, I'm pretty sure this is medication related. And I'm not great with expressing myself at pdoc.
Maybe I can switch antipsychotics. Latuda never made me tired like zyprexa. I really liked latuda I wish I never got off it.

I think we are the ones responsible for our own happiness.

Life just feels so mundane to me, I want to get out of this state. I can't seem to move forward, meet new people, find a gf, or even attempt to apply to a job.

I miss my former self, before this last episode destroyed my life.