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Old Dec 19, 2018, 08:06 AM
Anonymous59356
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Posts: n/a
Had session today.
T said "how are you"
I thought might as well be honest and said "depressed. There is nothing in my life to be the course of it.
I feel so depressed that I feel like I'm loosing the feeling in my face. I even felt like shop lifting yesterday (never have in my life)"

T said "I think you're mourning this. But it's complicated because you're still coming but have cut down. Does it feel like you still have this?"
I said "im trying to. But it feels like it's been smashed to smitherins"
I asked why after all this time is still this way.
T said because of the level of deprivation you begin with.
This feels like you've been deprived. The wanting to shoplift echoes this. It's feeling you've got to steal to get what you need.
She said you know, twice a week seemed enought, but sometimes it wasn't. You can come twice a week. You can come twice a week every now and again if you wish.
You can email!
I said I don't like too. That's taking the piss after I've cut back.
T said "it's about finding what's enought for you. If emailing would help that then email.
I said I'm going to carry on one a week. This may pass.
T said, yes it may. We don't know. You've been pushed right back into early childhood.
I said I feel like a small child in my bedroom right now rembering all the pain I once felt. The wanting to hug my teddy but chucking it on the floor instead because what was the point. I knew my adoptive mother was downstairs. But she wasn't available to me. I can remember it as if it was happening now.
T said, yes. You couldn't trust that it would still be there for you if you trusted it.
Just T's reassurance over me emailing her, help lift the feeling of grief.
Hugs from:
Anonymous43207, Merope, rainbow8, RaineD, seeker33, Taylor27, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
Thanks for this!
unaluna