Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteraryLark
I am terrible with communication, and I don't know how to improve. The other day I really upset my mom. I told her very tactlessly that her food was making me sick, and I said that because we have been eating a lot of rich food and it would upset my stomach, but I said it very tactlessly, and she told me that "You seem to find every way to bring me down and ruin every joy in my life" and she went on to say cooking is her biggest joy and motivation to keep her going since moving here as she hasn't cooked in over a year, and for me to say so tactlessly, "Your food is making me sick" crushed her spirits. I cried because I realized that I had hurt her feelings. On a side note to my other thread, she said for me to make my own meals or to become a vegetarian didn't bother her, it was the way I so rudely and tactlessly addressed the concern because I came off as "hating her cooking" after how hard she worked to make meals everyone enjoys. She told me I need to be more honest and upfront about how I feel, but I don't know how to do that. How do I be honest and tactful in expressing how I feel?
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First off, to the point of how you say things, it would have been good to point out the fact that it wasn't "her" food that was making you sick but as you said so clearly here, but the richness of it. I mean just clarifying that the amount of rich food lately has been doing this, might cut the sharpness of the criticism a bit. but that being said..
I get the feeling that (IIRC other posts you've made have been similar) you're criticized a lot about hurting your mom's feelings by how you speak or behave and this is just yet another way that your mother can make you feel terrible. I may be reaching here but I'm going to venture a guess that part of your "difficulty" with communication comes from the very person that accuses you of being tactless and/or hurtful and in a consistent manner.
In summary part of this is, yes, being more tactful, but I want to relieve you of some of the guilt you may feel, because I am pretty sure that her response was used as a way to manipulate you.