The first time I took a break from T, I was planning to be off for an entire summer. I was going to do a 3 week vacation and I thought a break would be useful. But I noticed when I left, after a few minutes it was like being gut punched, that familiar sense of loss. I went back the next week (but still did my vacation break).

I went to every other week when I was uninsured and had to pay out of pocket. I could have afforded every week but it seemed like I could power through the time until I was insured again. That worked. Now I'm back to every week although my frequent travels make it every two weeks pretty frequently.

What your T said about deprivation really pings with me. I'm not sure that self deprivation is not the same thing as self harm in many ways. But it's not all the time that we can give ourselves what we desire, and despite the old Brit stiff upper lip thing, I'm not sure how this benefits you other than the desire to stick with the plan you've laid out (I think your move has created physical distance to T's and it takes longer).

But maybe the time it takes to get there and back is worth it. Maybe you're worth it. Maybe it's worth not depriving yourself as maybe you've felt others have deprived you before. If seeing T more frequently would give you a sense of generosity (I'm not quite sure that's the right word that is the opposite of deprivation), that seems good to me. I feel at my best when I feel I have enough emotional deposits to cover the emotional withdrawals I have to give in my life and my work.

Good luck with it, wish you the best.