Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
I disagree. Because I can only sketch my part of the painting beforehand and try to anticipate what the therapist is going to do. Perhaps if I had a therapisty mind, there would be no surprises. However, despite my constant machinations aimed at dictating how our interaction will go, the result is never what I intended. So I can "sketch" beforehand all I like; but the therapist still affects the outcome - and sometimes it is unrecognizable from my imagined scene.
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Another way to say this is that you can't control the other person in a relationship with you, T or not T. While there are some people you can pick who will willingly or unconsciously play their role in what you have scripted out, this often doesn't go well either. For example, if you are dating with the purpose of finding a partner who will make a commitment to a life with you, choosing someone who is a player would fit well into a probably unconscious script of "my partners will always cheat on me."
In my experience, scripted relationships and expected someone to follow my script for a relationship feels hollow once I realize what's going on. Allowing the other person to have the freedom to really connect to you I think means you have to put down your script and be there in the moment, actually listening and responding. Trying to force the person to be someone they are not or to say something they don't believe or to act just like you dictate to them will pretty much always end poorly. For me, the only relationships worth having are those that are unscripted.