It sounds like you're going through a lot, mulan. I'm so sorry your sibilings aren't treating you well. Do you live alone or with them? I'd try to cut contact with them and avoid them as much as you can, if they're being so toxic to you. Can you afford it? It also seems like you're struggling a lot with your self-esteem. Perhaps you need to work on that before you start any relationship with other people. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Remember that you're NOT boring or stupid, and that you're as worthy of love as everyone else, despite what you may be thinking right now. I hope you'll be able to see it one day. Sending many hugs to you