Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
I've realized it maybe more then "past ED". That's why I'm so sensitive about it. Trying to wrap my head around no ed voice and still having an ed. Plus I'm over weight. What anorexic is over weight? I can't even do that right. My husband and son are not really speaking to me. So I can't really tell how they are feeling or if they take their meds. I need to focus on myself. My son blames me for not playing cards with him but he always looks busy and he doesn't ask. I guess I'll ask daily and not feel hurt when he rejects me.
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I totally get the ED stuff. I wish it would go away permanently, but it never has for me, though at times it is less often or powerful than others. I feel like I'm a joke of an anorexic too as I actually do eat but overexercise the calories off, so it's diagnosed as anorexia, purging type, which everyone thinks means I throw up, which is not the case at all. Sometimes, I wonder, is it a real ED? I am underweight, but not that much (though my head tells me I am fat). I dread New Year's, all the resolutions people make to lose weight, all the Facebook posts my feed gets about weight loss, calories, exercise every year, and I feel like I should have a weight loss resolution too. I hate that the ED has gotten worse (or the ED voices/urges louder & more urgent lately). Some people may get over it 100%, but I don't think I ever will.
You are right that you need to take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else. Your husband is an adult, and he is the one making the choices he makes, not you.
I hope you are able to find a T you are comfortable with or that you get more comfortable with the new T. I've started & given up on therapy so many times. I've had T's not even want to start with me because of the number of past T's I've had and rejected. And redoing the intake paperwork is such a pain. You have to keep repeating everything and each time add to it as more crap has come down on you. I feel like I should just type up a list and add to that so I don't have to keep repeating stuff and turn that in instead of the stupid intake papers. But of course, there's also all the address/phone number/emergency contact/PCP/insurance stuff every time too and sometimes that changes; well, the insurance does for me a lot but the address & phone number (especially when I didn't yet have a cell phone) did too when I was in college and grad school & when H and I lived in an apartment and then a house. It was a lot of moves (though in the same general area) in the space of a few years.