Hello,

I'm not proud of myself for doing this but I just didn't know how else to express myself better than to complete strangers who would maybe have some great and valuable insights into my situation.

My main problem is that I am feeling depressed for some time now and it's mainly because of relationships.

I am starting to feel abandoned and I feel that nobody understands me. I would say that it's normal, but I just thought that I have everything figured out by now... I am 21 but I'd say I have developed a lot since a few years back.

So back to my thing.

I feel like everyone around me starts having romantic relationships and I am so sorry that I cannot be fully satisfied with my friends' temporary happiness, but I am starting to see how alone I am getting more and more every day. I haven't had a relationship for like 3 years and it's really driving me crazy. And what drives me crazy even more is that I know what I should do generally, but I just can't find the way. I know that I should rather focus on something I like, something creative - but I don't know what that is. And I know I should develop myself first to fill the holes in my life, and not to wait for someone to come and fill it with himself. But how? What should I do?

Christmas are crazy for people who are alone and not in the romantic relationships. And I have friends but I feel like they splash it to my face that they are happy couples every time I see or talk to them. And I feel that my best friend who is a brilliant amateur-psychologist understands me, but doesn't understand my feelings in this matter. Cause I think that this is such a shallow problem to deal with when I'm almost 22. However, I just feel this way and it's not getting better.

When I'm out with people, I feel like nothing bad is happening to me. Until I see a couple or something related to romance. I get self-pity internally. Plus, now I don't really have a chance to go out with people. And the feeling is the worst when I am alone.

And then people come to me for advices. I love giving them as people tend to tell me I am a good advisor. It's killing me when they tell me about ther romantic partners though...

I have met a guy recently, I liked him a bit. He was one of the few people who I was able to have a thoughtful and insightful conversation with - in terms of boys. But now I am starting to see that perhaps we don't belong together and then I get a feeling that if I don't go into a relationship now, I would have to wait for another 4 years to meet someone and I cannot just possibly imagine that.

If it's not obvious now, I must tell you that I am gay. And I don't really feel connected to the whole "culture" of gays nor to the "gay people". I would like a possibly normal relationship with a guy I would have a smart, deep conversation with and obviously an intimate relationship with.

I would be thankful for any help, thank you if you're concerned with my situation.

Have a nice day.

Marek