I'm so sorry you're struggling, 2Jumpy. From what you wrote, the relationship with your husband doesn't sounds very healthy. You're constantly afraid of you and it's almost dominating your life. Is your anxiety related to any other aspect or just to him? Have you talked to him about this? Maybe that could help. Although I understand you may feel too anxious for discussing this with him. But I think you need to seriously reconsider this relationship, or at least have a serious talk about this. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this