Well........as my mother used to say "That's a deep subject."

So from what I have learned so far on this journey I believe that the correct initial diagnoses for me would have been dysthymia.


When I was I'm gusseng 44, I went to my GP at the time to get something to try make me "happy". No real questions or assessments. I said what I was feeling and got prescriptions for ativan and wellbutrin.

The ativan did nothing for me, I can eat those like tic tacs. Wrong application/wrong med? And the wellbutrin did anything but make me feel well.


Maybe two years later, back to the GP. A different one. At least she gave me a question assessment and concluded depression. I was given Celexa.

Maybe it helped maybe it didn't. I really don't know. Off of the Celexa.

A year later or so later, (during this time of year of course screw Christmas), A full blown manic episode that's a whole story in itself. maybe for a different post, but anyway. My wife the nurse (we had been together for maybe 7 years now ) on day 4 recognized it for what it was. She travels for work and I don't know if she was there the whole time. Anyway....lets skip to the highlights. Off to get help......


Social worker - nice genuinely seemed to care. My primary psychiatrist -fifteen minutes...... distant did not seem to give a **** other that I needed psyc meds and outpatient hospitalization. Orlanzapine and depakote. Well this isn't working at all. I felt like ****, looked like **** and put on 30 pounds. I had to insist on a change and ASKED for lithium. Seemed ok, but then who knows. On for a year or so. Script ran out, after 2 weeks of trying to contact my GP (another one) for refill, I said screw it. I don't need it. Off meds for I would guess two and a half years.


Group therapy - no use for the primary psychiatrist there - ASSHOLE you want to know why I tell some other time. Four counslers running main and sub groups. Three seemed to care and wanted to be helpful, the fourth - asshole (lower case).

My only take anyways were the the concept of mindfulness and the fact that on the "How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship" presentation 5 of the 7 signs applied to the corporation I was working for at the time. No particular person, but my employer in general. Locking me in a room and forcing me to watch Dr. Phil episodes would have been just as beneficial in my opinion. I am finding this MUCH more helpful.


Post group, some Dr. told me my mania was likely the result of being on anti depressants. I guess that's what I get for searching for happiness in a pill.

FF to the present and here I am.