I don't think the obsession (whether innocent or not) would be my concern here.

What would be my overall and biggest concern is the secrecy and hiding. That can't ever be good in a marriage unless it's to plan a surprise b'day party or something.

Whenever there's secrecy in a marriage, there's a closed door between the partners...the life partners.

Closed doors, wondering what's on the other side inviting suspicious thoughts, wondering why there's not the trust and confidence *not* to hide behind a closed door, etc. are things I would have concern about.

I don't think we leave all doors in a relationship open all the time, and I'm not saying that BUT I don't think there should be locks on any doors with *current* issues (yes, I think past is past when it comes to a relationship and those doors should be locked and sealed shut sometimes especially if we stay in that same relationship).

If she were openly having a teeny crush on someone and shared it (like the one you mentioned), I think that's natural, normal and fine.

However, withholding, hiding, planning outside of the marital relationship something that can directly affect it and communication gaps that can lead to suspicion, distrust, low confidence, etc. just can't be good no matter how it's looked at.

All that said, you mentioned that you'd done some things that would risk her trust in you (suggesting invading on that which wasn't invited)...so much so that you're limited in what you can say to her that you know isn't good either. It sounds like you two need to sit down for a big, all out on the table heart to heart.

Just my thoughts...again it's not the "crush" which can be natural, it's the manner in which it's being handled that is concerning (maybe on both ends).

I wish you more than well. Though it wasn't a celebrity crush, or even similar crush, I've been where you're at and learned the hard way. Basically, if the issue in any way contributes to any type of distance in a marriage, it's risky. Marriages are hard enough these days without the added distance "closed doors" can bring.

KD