You are dealing with a lot of issues and from my POV the treatment resistant depression (I do not have this) must be the worst.

I just wanted to say, when I have been prescribed antidepressants at too high of a dose--it pushes me into mania and I will wake up in the middle of the night feeling antzy and like something is crawling through my skin. I need antidepressants but I have to take very low doses (I am fortunate that low doses do ward off my depression). Not sure what you can do about your situation--have you discussed this feeling with your doctor?

And by the way--Welcome to PC!!!