I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, dshantel. I know it's not the same as IRL, but please feel free to lean on us, that's what we're here for. There's just got to be a way to make a little headway in some direction somehow, I hate that you feel trapped in this situation. Feeling like you're always waiting for others is hard (been there a LOT). And you're right, your life is never going to start if you're always waiting on everyone else. It seems like maybe you aren't even questioning being last in line on the priorities list(??) Maybe it would be good to challenge that. You DO deserve as much self-care and importance as anyone else. Are there little things you can think of to bolster that? Then maybe build from there? Even something small could help get things moving in the right direction.