I'm so sorry you're struggling, Lying heart It sounds like you may still have some scars from your past. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. I feel like it could be useful to help you deal with your past. Maybe you can even try couple counselling if you want. From what you wrote, your boyfriend doesn't seem to be very supportive of your issue. I think this is something worth discussing with him. Hopefully he'll listen and understand you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this