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Originally Posted by Thalassophile
Really interesting to see how many T's actually do give hugs. I always thought it was such a no-no. I do think hugs can be a good thing when used properly. I don't understand how it happens people after a few years though. I would have thought T's either give hugs or they don't i.e They may be the type of person who gives them or else they don't give them as they view them as unethical or a boundary crossing etc.. It surprises me that there is movement on it for so many of them but maybe that is very black and white thinking. I do like to hear that some T's might not give them at the start but after discussion and considering the client's needs etc they do. Shows that they are hearing people and reflecting and not just in the 'This is what I was trained to do' or 'This is what my supervisor told me so that's what I do' My T doesn't give hugs but it is not something we have really discussed. I just presume not. Hhmm I'm realising that I am jealous of you all who have T's who do hug.
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I didn’t think it was a no no. In fact I didn’t think it was a thing to discuss until I read here. I didn’t think it was an option since it’s really more of a professional setting. I have never discussed it with my T. He just one day, when I was going for a longer break, opened his arms. And it just felt natural, like 2 people mutually agreeing to it without having to discuss it. It was after a longer time seeing him so maybe they also need to feel safe in a way, knowing the client won’t take it the wrong way, or won’t feel threatened by someone trying to touch them. I have no idea, that’s just my guess. Since then we have hugged several times. Especially after harder sessions, and I’ve only asked once, and only because I was sure that he was going ask anyway. I’m too afraid of rejection to just go for it. He said he was glad I asked but other than that we have never discussed it. It just doesn’t seem like a thing that needs a lot of attention too . It just happens when the time is right, somehow he knows when I need it the most. I understand it’s important and needed for some people. To me it’s not something I would ask for or want after I had to ask for it and have a big discussion about why someone wants it and why it can or cannot be done. Seems like it should be more simple. Although at the beginning I wouldn’t even think about it, after some time it feels normal, not at all awkward or inappropriate and really helpful when the time is right.