Hi Rev2, and fellow Steinbeckians.
I've locked the doors of my house and I'm in my attic having a melt-down. This happens to me very rarely as I get better at managing my boundaries, but if it's gonna happen it usually happens at Xmas. Xmas is traditionally - for me - a short holiday where I get my own headspace due to not-having-a-car and lack of public transport for these 3 days of the 365. Usually I feel sad that I have no family, but this year I needed the 3 day headspace.

The wise elder inside me said bring it to Rev2's thread, even if not legitimate being purely my own raving - this is his kind of thing. So, with hesitant apologies, I am opening your office door. Do you have an office door ?

I had an e-mail screaming exchange with a real estate agent yesterday. I did a private deal to allow two of her friends to do a viewing even though my house is no longer on the market. Turns out her friends may be interested buyers, and for various reasons I informally offered them a good price which they can manage.

Next thing that happens is these friends of real estate agent want visiting my house immediately. Seems like because all 3 are friends they imagine they bought my house and have visiting rights despite not even having gone through the formal process yet to make an offer. Despite probably not yet even having the finance available to make an offer.

I said no politely, then I thought about it and said no less politely but more firmly. Said they can wait until end Jan, which is what I had already agreed as a framework but seems like their real estate agent friend wasn't listening.

I also said that there are practical reasons, such as having a workman and his tools taking up one of my bedrooms and the access to that bedroom, but also emotional reasons such as I went through a year of being pressured by desperate real estate agents before I realised that noone was buying due to economic conditions. Went through a year of constantly putting the house on a display footing. Pulled back to consciously take a break from idiots who are just looking to exploit situations. AM TAKING A BREAK. Economic conditions mean I need to cut price by a big chunk and taking a break to review my goals in those circumstances is deeply necessary. This freaking city is so all-about-quick-monay.

I am still working in various different places where I might want to live eventually, doing research at my own pace but also on schedule to put house back on market at Easter.

The system here means that real estate agent is my employee - gets 2% which is a sizeable sum, but because these are her friends she is actually representing their interests.

What really upsets me about all this is that I already went through this timetable carefully with the real estate agent, who is actually my representative and not the representative of the buyers, her friends - but she doesn't hear me. Mostly not being heard in financial deals is par for the course in this city, but in this instance I did a favour by dropping the price for these few people and I want to be respected for that.

Seems like this might be something you could vaguely understand Rev2 - or at least this thread might be a place to restore a sense of connection. I just need to hold on tight to the road that I have planned out for myself, but in the darkest time of year holding to the way is elusive. I do love the darkness but it isn't condusive to effort.

I've been working at boundaries so successfully, but seems like in this situation I have to SHOUT TO BE LISTENED TOO and even that isn't a done deal.

I am off travelling the mountains again second week of Jan. I am considering life near mountains and sea, with people who work with their hands rather than just dealing the financial markets. I feel drawn to this, but temporarily unsure whether my inner core is up to yet another set of practical challenges. Will find out in due course.

Sending you some home-made "pickles" which I've made as presents for friends.

Thx an' all!
Saidso