Wanted to tell my mother how much I hate her and delight in her suffering from terminal lung cancer during her last year alive. During her last few days alive, I wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her I hope there is a real hell and she goes to it for ****ing up my life when she was powerless to stop me.
Unfortunately, I was too much of a coward. My step father at the time believed she was the physical manifestation of love even though she was a master manipulator that preyed on both his naivety and his good nature. I was afraid he wouldn't support me anymore if I told her what I think about her because at that time I couldn't hold down a job or take care of my basic needs and I wouldn't have been able to survive on my own.
So yeah, my hatred for my mother still burns brighter than a thousand stars.