I just find the entire expression her problem not theirs...well...demeaning.

It's his problem too if he's unable to do more than say it is all about her having grown up in an alcoholic environment. And stubbornly saying this is me and this is how it's going to be. If every stinking night he comes home and heads to the bottle to unwind then how is that not their problem?

Yes, living in an environment of alcoholism shapes perception of what one does and does not want. And the OP needs to evaluate the future.