I'm kinda in the same boat when it comes to family stuff and holidays. They invite me every year, but the invite doesn't seem genuine. Declining the invite has actually become easier. Sometimes they send a last minute invite and I never know what's going on with them, so that makes my life more difficult. Not really the type of holiday memories I'd rather hold onto. Honestly, I look forward to a time when I would like to attend another family event. Enough about me. From reading your posts, I can tell you have a determined and developed personality. So, I say, do what you do, and do it better. If there is something you don't like about yourself, change it. Don't change who you are or anything about yourself for anyone else. Don't feel like you need to please anyone either. When you are ready, you may decide to be less forthcoming about your religious beliefs but now it seems that you are still exploring what those are for yourself. I don't blame you. It sounds like you are putting your health first and your family should understand that, if not now, maybe one day. Do what makes you happy