Soliree, I've been where you are...believe me the answer isn't in in-treatment either...infact I felt more neglected then ever when I went into psych hospital..its true your T will never care "enought" because that has got to come from inside us....can I ask what was going on in your mind when you done this in the T's bathroom? was it anger directed in a I'll show you way? if so then that will only hurt you more...its at times like this is you can put words to that anger that we find that "enought" feeling...I am sorry you are hurting this bad...its is very hard!...