Yes, I think I know this intuitively, but also feel like I want to make up for how “bad” I’ve been to him due to the negative transference and show him I can be different. I do like the journaling idea and already sort of do that. Sometimes what felt important to me to write down feels unimportant when I get to my session though, and that part is tricky. In general I’m not a big talker especially if it involves talking about myself, so I need to figure out how to get better at this. Your T sounds good, btw.